Let’s take a “before” and “after” diagnosis quick shot picture. I went to a concert recently at our church, a time of Worship and fellowship. One of their CDs, out from integrity music, is called “Fike.” I was not sure what to expect. Worship, pre-diagnosis, was lifting, fun and full of encouragement! I was always acutely aware of fellowship. Most Worship times, (at church, in my car, concerts, in my house mopping with the windows rattling with His Truth), I left full of His Spirit and ready to build something new in His Kingdom.
For the time, right now, Worship looks different for me. I miss the old “style” of communion I experienced, yes I do. But, I know my Lord, and at some point He will give that back to me and then beyond. . .For now, one year post-diagnosis, it’s a quiet time. I find myself deeply reverent in HIs presence. At the concert, I went into my own sacred space, only vaguely aware of fellowship. I found myself praying. . . .”Lord, let the music penetrate my flesh, let it shake the muscles and bones of my existence. Let it wake my body, mind and spirit to your presence. Take every cell in my body and line it righteously to Your Will and Reign” That’s different! Before, I was not aware of a need for the music to permeate, I just wanted to be immersed in it.
It’s not a sad thing. It’s a new thing. It’s a different thing. I do not feel the need to chase places, songs, artists to find my “Worship” space again. I am hoping toward contentment with how God choses to offer it to me. I chose to believe this is my best Worship for where I am. I will not chase “goodness” of the past, but expect His Hand to supply. I will not receive experiences as less when HE intends them to be more. I will not insist on defining life in HIM on my terms. My Worship was all about Him. My Worship is still all about my Lord. My Worship is mine to experience as God defines it, Jesus offers it and the Holy Spirit moves it.
in His love and mine, twe