My Prayer Closet, Part Two

A woman’s closet. . .Intimate details. . .Sorority pledge shirt (just a few sizes smaller!) pre-pregnancy clothes, post-prenancy clothes, nursing clothes, scribbled notes, dated from young hands that could barely hold a crayon. (Some of you know how I feel about coloring outside the lines of our lives. Which I do in many of these posts :)). Rehearsal dinner dress for my own wedding, bridesmaid dresses. The jacket I wore to share on a stage, the jacket I wore for that Homecoming Court football game presentation for my daughters, my own mother’s robe, the comfort flannel gowns I put own when I needed a hug, the pair of shoes I bought way out of our budget, I’ve worn only once, but I thought I was a princess. That black linen outfit that always took off ten pounds of chocolate in the mirror.The warm up suit I wore at the beach in a weekend away with a best friend. The red dress I bought, knowing I would capture my husband’s attention at a dinner out that was 2 sizes too small (Still has the tags on it. I like to think the best!). That extra measure of confidence needed for leadership that “came” in a brown JJill jacket and pants when insecurity pressed in with opportunities. Sweatshirts from every destination from Gulf Shores to Russia.

New Prayer Closet Space

New Prayer Closet Space

Most of it has to go. . .As the pear shape emerges, further, the ALS clinic enforces is “best for my health” and getting dressed becomes a challenge. . .The girl that stood before the mirror for a final touch, is gone. I could dissolve in tears for days, but God interrupts the grief before it begins and tells me, “I like this girl better.” I’m stubbornly quiet. Not ready to even go there. Somewhere in the bags of “goodwill clothes” is that girl, hidden. Somewhere in the back of the “new” closet are the things, I could not part with. . .Somewhere in the simple clothes hanging with comfort is a tiny glow of Glory. There is a whisper of freedom that calls me away from style, and need to impress and fit in with the women in the room. I’m sure this is good for me, as a lesson that all of us, as women need to put into practice. I just never thought it could look like this? My prayer closest calls me to a level of simplicity that is beyond the norm. . .And in that, a privilege of understanding, I did not ask, for and do not want to embrace. . .Yet, it is what it is. . .And I’ll live to grow into this “new girl of His.”

I’ll stop here as I have to leave the chapter to grow and my heart to grow. . .with the Truth. . .May you find “space in your prayer closet too?”

Liles of Israel

7 thoughts on “My Prayer Closet, Part Two

  1. Dear Tracey,

    Although learning about your health challenges last year and praying for you, I only found out last week about your blog, through a friend of yours at the Chapel. Reading several of your posts have caused a gamut of emotion, tears, some grief for what was, yet thankfulness for what is: the reminder that whatever we face in our lives, our Father has us firmly in His loving hands.

    I too, share many of the challenges and changes you and Clydette have expressed – the new shape, shoes and the “stuff’ in my closet – all for the same reason – “the diagnosis”. Some things were easy to release, but I still have a couple of pairs of those cute shoes, though I dare not risk wearing them now. However, through the many changes and challenges ALS has brought, God proves His love again and again. While this may sound odd, this time in my life could not have come at a better time in my life.

    Are there bad and not-so-good days? More than I care to remember. Are there good days? More than I can number, though sometimes they seem fewer and farther apart. But even on the ‘bad’ days, He reminds me of His steadfast love, though at times it seems He has to get my attention. Every day is a gift, even if I don’t feel like unwrapping it.

    Thank you Tracey, for your willingness to be vulnerable and minister in love, as He ministers in grace to you. Dee Alberty is a mutual friend. We pray for you often.

    With love and many prayers,

    Boydrea Gonzales

    • Dear Boydrea, Thank you so for your generous and honest reply. Your transparency gives strength and support to those “in pain” with whatever their challenges are. . .As you said so beautifully. . .Some things in life are easy to release while others, we cling to for various reasons. I so love Dee and her brother-in-law Craig. I have some amazing memories with Dee, and my connection with her grew and ministered to me in Kingdom Building ways. In fact, it was in Vacation Bible School, with her amazing teaching (I learned more than the children!), the I brought my first little soul to our Christ. She witnessed my love moving out in it’s nervous posture to embrace his young heart in our Kingdom of Life in our Lord. Please share this with Dee. It’s a moment, I will never forget. Yes, God’s love and grace is steadfast against the hardest moments. I am deeply grieved for your ALS challenges, but hear your Faith rise and His great mercy in your words. Thank you for sharing them. I too pray for you. What would we do without prayer? If I may, I’d like to take your “Every day is a gift, even I don’t feel like unwrapping it” and make it a post with credit to you of course, if you would grant me the favor? 🙂 In His Love and mine, twe

      • Dear Tracey, I gave your message to Dee today after our Ezekiel class, and of course she smiled at the sweet memory. It is a real treat (gift) when I am able to attend class. It has been such a joy to not only be in what we call the ‘Old’ Testament, but to actually study it in depth. Our God is truly an awesome God! It was such a blessing to read your comments about our closets, especially our prayer closets. It resonated deeply in heart and spirit, and I realized my prayer closet needs some attention. I fell asleep last night thinking and meditating on His Word so sweetly reflected in yours, and could hardly wait to share it all with Dee. Now that is a gift wrapped with love (His) that made me feel like a kid at Christmas; I could hardly wait to share with Dee what you had written. Please feel free to use the “every day is a gift” and you don’t have to worry about crediting to me. I look forward to reading what God puts in your heart as you encourage us all in the faith. Thank you for your prayers. Blessings, B

      • Boydrea, Thank you for sharing and also with Dee. What a gifted teacher she is. . . Thank you also, for your heartfelt response. What a precious space our prayer closet is with our Lord. The dynamic of cleaning mine out in such depth/extremity, I know how deep spiritual meaning, but I’ve had to put the pain of it on, “rest” in His Hands. The time will come when God will sweetly, reveal the Glory and Goodness of His work. I’m in the obedience stage, of just doing the “calling.” If you understand what I mean? Love and Prayers to you, and give Dee a hug for me and thank her for investing in my Kingdom Life! love, twe

  2. Tracy, I resemble the description in this post. I too have cleaned my closet, six heavy duty garbage bags worth.. . . the heels I am afraid to wear for tripping, the dresses because I don’t have cute shoes, the pants I can no longer zip and the blouses I can’t button. Instead I find myself in t shirts and pajama pants with elastic waste bands on the days I stay in because I can pull them down easier for trips to the bathroom. Having let go of all of that, I have found myself in my recliner under a blanket with my little dog listening to praise music and spending time with Him. I am learning to rest in Him, trust in Him, talk with Him, and listen to Him, and with that I have found peace. I am learning to be a Mary in a Martha world. Love your blog. Keep it up. Much love to you.

    • Hey Clydette,
      Good to hear from you! Yes, ALS challenges and changes things, but our conversations with our Lord do bring peace.
      Thank you for sharing with us. Much love back to you! twe

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