Dear Papa: “Sit With Me”


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“Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven. Matthew 18:4

Dear Papa,

I see you there waiting for me. I keep dancing around you. You watch me with curious delight. I play hide and seek behind the columns. You lean and turn in response.  I pick  flowers, wondering what your favorite color is, not knowing, I pick mine and find every yellow bloom in sight and lay them at your feet.  This brings a charismatic smile to your face. It was so easy before. . .to settle into Your warm embrace. . .and Your goodness kept me there. . .lingering in the love! Stillness does not settle comfortably today. Or yesterday or the day before that. . . I keep my distance slight for I need to see You at every moment of time that ticks through. . .”Papa,” I whisper, “What is it about pain that keeps me away? I’m afraid of Your touch, Your words, and my own heart. Everything on me is so tender. . .” “Do you assume, with Me? Do you assume, I will intensify your pain?” He comforted. “I’m afraid of me with You,” I whimpered. “I know, I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to move your pain, I don’t want to press in, I just want you to BE with Me?” He asked with everlasting patience. I hesitated. I looked quickly into His eyes, to get a reading on His heart and I shifted in my own shadow land. The sunlight crossed His lap. I moved into the rays and found myself resting quietly on His lap. As promised, He said nothing and made not a move into my woundings. He just allowed me to be. . .and be. . .and be. I noticed how still He remained. The only thing that stirred our stillness was His deep breaths and my shallow ones.  I resisted the urge to jump up into my antics again. His indulgent presence began a slow melt of stiff defense walled around my pain. . .”I’m sorry Lord, this might take a while?” I sighed, apologetically. “I have eternity, He winked.”

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