Homesick for Heaven

With a friend of mine, we use to have a text code we would use, when we hit a rough spot. ..”We’d sent a text, “I’m homesick for heaven :(” Just to let each other know something’s up and it’s tough. We have many heart languages that speak the same concept. . .

“This cannot be my life.”
“I cannot even imagine being stuck here.”
“If I let one feeling out, I’m afraid the whole damn will break loose, and I’ll drown in the flood of emotions.”
“Is this all there is?”
“Am I only here to take on other people’s woundings?”
“Today, I smiled my first pretend smile. Nothing, even slightly real about it.”
“It gets harder than this?”
“I was so devastated, all I could do was crawl to my bed.”
“Why hasn’t God healed me?”
“I don’t see in color anymore, only grays and whites.”
“I need a place to grieve my hurts.”
“I resent ‘normal people’.”
“I don’t know what unconditional love is?”
“This is so NOT what I expected it would be. . .”
“I’m not, I”m not getting out of bed today.”
“The hurt is so deep, I cannot get to it. And I don’t want to. . .”
“God gave us something too big for our family.”
“I can’t come anymore, I’m too embarrassed to wear sunglasses that hide my red, swollen eyes.”
“I’m numb. I cannot feel anything.”
“Why hasn’t God answered my prayers?”
“I am ashamed.”
“This is not the man I thought I was marrying.”
“I never thought of God as loving, I feel like He is always angry at me.”
“Nothing about me is ever enough.”
“I don’t want to live anymore.”
“Where are my needs? Where is my life?”
“I feel so unworthy of God’s love, I don’t receive it well. If at all. . .”
“One more day like this and I quit.”
“He does not know how close he is to breaking me for good.”
“There is so little left of me.”
“I almost did not come today, I just wanted to stay in bed.”
“It’s one day at a time for me. Well, okay sometimes, one hour, one minute at a time if I’m being honest.”
“I can’t wake up to this tomorrow. I don’t want tomorrow. . .”
“Where was God when I needed Him?”
“If I had known it would be this hard, I would not have. . .”
“I am so lonely,” and I hear, no one wants me for a friend.
“I can’t get past the event, the trauma, stays with me.”
“I’ve tried everything and I still cannot forgive. . .”
“I had some friendships, they’ve moved on, I haven’t.”

These are bold, courageous, honest, and authentic words. These are women’s heart’s combined. . . .word’s I’ve had the Holy Privilege of receiving. . .I’ve mixed them up and changed them. . .But they could be my words, your words, your mother’s/grandmother’s words, your sister’s words, your best friend’s words, your daughter’s words. . . . Feelings that reflect homesick for heaven hearts. In the pain, it is “evidence” of  “Who” and “What” you are made for. . .We are made for Eden, and the state of our world is anything but Eden. So, we experience disappointment, despair, deep pains. We know this “is not right.” No, things are not “right, yet. . .” But they and we are on our way. Jesus is coming to make things on earth as they are in heaven. (Matthew 6:10)

God loves you too much to leave you stuck where you are, He means to move you to a better place. He means to love you with “puppy dog sugar” (Murphy Toerner’s term :). He means to draw you in close to experience eternity now.

Wings music by Kimberly and Alberto Rivera
Artwork: Dolores Develde

2 thoughts on “Homesick for Heaven

  1. Dear Elaine, Good to hear about your “homework” :). You are such a delight in Him. Thank you for the encouragement. I certainly do get weary, but dear sisters in Christ help lift me into His care! much love, twe

  2. Tracey,
    God is there with you and he writes you a love letter every day, letting you know he cares and he will never leave you and forsake you. By His stripes you are healed. Gal 6:9, do not grow weary of well doing. Remember you certainly have done lots for helping me (with homework) make more of a pure heart.
    Love, Elaine

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