I am a mess!!! It’s not pretty, God, I’m sorry. . .on the inside or on the outside.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7
I still love you and pursue obedience in what seems the most difficult challenge of my life.
I knew a “solid” faith. As things heat up here. . .it melts into a fluid mess: Pouring, seeping, dripping, rushing, rolling, spinning, flowing, trickling, flooding, splashing. . .
I have an angry faith, a respectful faith, a tumultuous faith, a hopeful faith, an expectant faith, a quiet faith, a doubtful faith, a growing faith, a fearful faith, a fighting faith, a tired faith, a tenancious faith, a feeble faith, a trembling faith, a mustard seed faith, a challenged faith, a fragile faith, an honest faith, a fruitful faith, a Truth-Based faith, press of faith, a threadbare faith, an obedient faith, an intimate faith, a flying faith, a shared faith, a smiling faith, a frantic faith, a numb faith, a seeking faith, a forging faith, a set-apart faith, a defiant faith, common-place faith, a narrow-gate faith, a lost faith, a passionate faith, a life-filled faith, a messy faith, a sobbing faith, a feisty faith. Still, I’m keeping it. It’s mine, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. . .It’s mine. . .we are in this together, right?
I do not like how my circumstances move my faith around, like pieces on a chess board. I want to be like Paul, content in all circumstances, but I am not. I will not pretend otherwise. Is there anything wrong with my fluid faith? My faith is fighting and that brings on every emotion I have about life. It’s rarely a feel good, warm and fuzzy faith right now (which I miss :(). It is a fighting faith that grows with every failure and every victory?
You are not surprised or disappointed in me. You anticipate. You know. You fight for me? I feel my faith needs space to move as needs change, challenges mount, and hope ebbs and flows? My faith needs to move to grow? My faith needs to drive obedience to fight a good fight? I can’t help but ask, for this to be easier on my husband and my girls?
The experience of my fluid faith changes. . .but my faith remains. . .It is my assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1
Lord, in the name of your son, for all of us out here with a fluid faith. . .grant us a faith that grows. Help us accept our faith and feelings and bring them into the obedience of Christ. Mature our faith to honor and glorify you. Keep us assured and convicted of that which we cannot see. Amen Your faithful and floating, t-bird
P.S. Welcome to United Kingdom, Poland and Thailand Readers.
I hope something of God’s worth blesses and inspires you.