A River of Tears

image found: msmeans.wordpress,com

image found:
msmeans.wordpress,com

I once heard a wonderful testimony from a women struggling with cancer. Beautifully articulated but she did not share anything about her emotional pain. I could not but wonder where is her brokenness? She has never been curled up in a fetal ball like I have in despair? Please know, no judgment or condemnation, I appreciated her vulnerability!!! It’s just, I hope to “speak” in such a way it’s authentic to my girls when their heart is broken? Express what is helpful to you? How would “a bowl full of cherries” glorify my God?

It flows on days, unexpected times and places. And sometimes, I think they will not stop. Out of control tears, yes sometimes in public, and feeling like I’ll die any second of a broken heart!!!

I’m a Christian so at any time, any moment, they are tears of ” joy.” A  few friends had a discussion recently about JOY. “Is that our goal?” “Did Jesus feel joy all the time: He cried, He turned tables over???” “What is joy???” “Is it the same thing as happiness???”

I just love questions! Especially the ones without black and white answers! (Yes, I am an educator’s daughter and will always be a teacher at heart! (Do you want to know a secret? When I get to heaven, I want to teach female college students on theology. One of my favorite movies? Mona Lisa Smile. I’m not wild about some of the values:( , but I love how she teaches and cares about her students.)

See, I’m treating you like friend at tea and I may not even know you 🙂 You know how women weave all over the place in their communication? Thank you men for your grace!!! Any way, back to the point . . . I think questions are so “fun!!!” They stir us and those around us to grow!!! In a Godly context, Kingdom Growth. The best kind, because it invests right into God’s Big Hands and it “collects interest there for eternity.” You can’t get a better return.

Tears are an investment. Tears are sacred. Tears are sowing for the harvest (yes, even the red, dripping nose, I can’t breathe, sobbing “ugly” cries). I’m banking in high salty waters, honesty, I did not know I could cry such gut wrenching, heart shattering, staining tears.

Beyond the obvious we all know about happy and sad tears, I have a lifetime with tears. Perhaps they are my closest companion for a testimonial of reasons I won’t pursue here. But today, I’m taking a stand for tears. Tears are shed because: we are created for “happy endings” aka Garden of Eden before The Fall with sin, we are created in His image with a full passion for life, we know our heart lives are meant for more.

It’s the depth of disparity in this fallen place between “what is” and God’s goodness for us that presses us to a breaking point. We know better than this! It’s that knowing that keeps happiness at bay, but introduces an eternal element to our sorrow.

It’s not a “happy” groan by any means.  I don’t feel happy. But, in my deep flow of emotion, they are tears of joy because I seek a Kingdom Perspective into which my river of tears runs straight through the middle of my King’s Throne Room. It does not take the pain away but it grants it creational and eternal insights.

Tears spring from deep groanings:

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22-25 It is plain to anyone with eyes to see that at the present time all created life groans in a sort of universal travail. And it is plain, too, that we who have a foretaste of the Spirit are in a state of painful tension, while we wait for that redemption of our bodies which will mean that at last we have realised our full sonship in him. We were saved by this hope, but in our moments of impatience let us remember that hope always means waiting for something that we haven’t yet got. But if we hope for something we cannot see, then we must settle down to wait for it in patience.

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Tears can make us uncomfortable in others and just plain miserable in ourselves.

But the truth is tears are beautiful, sacred prisms of wet witness in reflection of what is to come.  

(wet witness is my concept God is developing for a new chapter in the book with which I am playing)

God cherishes our prismed jewels of emotion:

Psalm 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

Sorrow and Joy are mysteriously linked in the reality of the spirit realm:

“Pain and joy are arteries of the same heart.” ~ Ann Voskamp

Psalm 30:5 Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

 

12 thoughts on “A River of Tears

  1. Come when not called vulnerable visits
    Raw tears playing peek a boo under my eye lids
    Releasing the grip of my emotions no one is at the steering wheel
    Sometimes I can put on the breaks sometimes not
    Times I seek a good cry with a book or movie but not with reality t.v.
    Release my feelings tears please
    Tears are different types: allergic, cleansing, pain, sometimes artificial required
    Wash and refresh tears molded and used
    Maybe the river from the throne may be God cried; the rock crys

    written awhile back on tears

    • Ashie, when someone crying, including me, it helps to remember they cry because they care so much for life and love, We are made for more. i love you and your three sisters forever and always! mom

  2. My dear wife,
    Tears are hard for men- receiving or giving. You are right, we are made differently. You have taught me that open emotions are needed, especially in the male-female relationship. I do not express my emotions with tears often, but you have let me openly weep with you. This connection is important for the relationship……Bucky

    • Dear Bucky, Thank you for such a tender genuine response. Holding each other and crying together are sacred tears for love of life and a deep desire for God’s goodness, much love, twe

  3. Oh such sweet words. Thank you for your honesty and genuineness. Sometimes God wakes me in the night to pray for you. Because He loves you so much. And your girls. And Bucky.

  4. Tracey. Oh such sweet words. You are very genuine and I appreciate your honesty.
    I’ve loved that section of Romans, too. Verse 21 says, “Creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and corruption and gain an entrance into the glorious freedom of God’s children.
    Even nature is waiting for a new birth in a new heaven.
    Love you and I’m saying a prayer right this minute. Sometimes God wakes me up in the night to pray for you. Because He loves you so much.
    Your blog is a word from heaven. He’s using you so much. Love to you.

    • Thank you Claudia. Your words warm as your genuine prayers and friendship does. One day I was talking to GOD about so many tears, and He asked why I cried? I told Him, because I cared so much about life and love and I just wanted things to better reflect my Jesus, Yes mam, new birth, new heaven. Thank you for prayers, twe

  5. yet, another incredible blog. I love this about tears and Romans. I haven’t read it like that. I used to be a tear stuffer, now I am desperate to be a tear flower. No more hiding the tears behind a false smile. No more saying “it’s okay” when the tears want to flow and scream “its not okay”. Thank you for your prayers and for sharing your revelation. I would love to be one sitting at your feet as you teach Theology, and through your writings you do just that. This blog on somedays is sitting at your feet learning and somedays sitting across the table with a cup of tea sharing fresh manna. Keep sharing. Love, your friend Marguerite

    • Hi Marguerite: Good to hear from you! Your words are very kind. We are all sitting at His feet learning. Tears, we all have much to learn! To care and cry well to honor His love of life. Fresh manna everyday 🙂
      love, twe

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