The Beauty and The Bane of Grief: Part I

The Deer’s Cry by Lisa

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Do we really need to talk about this at Christmas? Well yes, it’s the “white elephant” gift in the room. Holidays bring our longings, our losses and our love to the surface as we navigate that mystery of what we know could be without the fall of sin and the shadow it casts upon the earth.

The Truth is Christmas lends itself to tears. Tears of joy at our Baby Jesus’ birth, tears of loss, tears of hope, tears of need, tears of beauty, tears of missings, tears of healings, tears of reunions, tears of break-ups, tears of profoundly precious, tears of frustration, tears of priceless memories, tears of dreams, tears of devastation, tears of promise, tears of anger, tears of hallelujah, tears of grief. . . 

My husband, my girls, my sister, brother and a few friends have all held my grief. What a precious privilege it is to be held while the loosely stitched woundings of our hearts split open again and again and again. The binding pressure of love on a wound is painful. I was told once in a group of women I met with, all much further in their faith than I:   Jesus places His Hand into our profuse bleeds of life. . .The intense pain of His pressure is sharp at first. . .But the pressure of His love. . . slowly stops the bleeding. . .And the life of His compassion binds up our woundings to provide for healing and restoration.

Psalm 116:5

Today I share an email I got from a friend Kay. Thank you Kay. XO I found it so clear and practical in it’s scape that I am convicted to share it here:

15 Things I wish I knew about grief

1. You will feel like the world has ended. I promise, it hasn’t. Life will go on, slowly. A new normal will come, slowly.

2. No matter how bad a day feels, it is only a day.  When you go to sleep crying, you will wake up to a new day.

3. Grief comes in waves. You might be okay one hour, not okay the next. Okay one day, not okay the next day. Okay one month, not okay the next. Learn to go with the flow of what your heart and mind are feeling.

4. It’s okay to cry. Do it often. But it’s okay to laugh, too. Don’t feel guilty for feeling positive emotions even when dealing with loss.

5. Take care of yourself, even if you don’t feel like it. Eat healthily. Work out. Do the things you love. Remember that you are still living.

6. Don’t shut people out. Don’t cut yourself off from relationships. You will hurt yourself and others.

7. No one will respond perfectly to your grief. People–even people you love–will let you down. Friends you thought would be there won’t be there, and people you hardly know will reach out. Be prepared to give others grace. Be prepared to work through hurt and forgiveness at others’ reactions.

8. God will be there for you perfectly. He will never, ever let you down. He will let you scream, cry, and question. Throw all your emotions at Him. He is near to the brokenhearted.

9. Take time to truly remember the person you lost. Write about him or her, go back to all your memories with them, truly soak in all the good times you had with that person. It will help.

10. Facing the grief is better than running. Don’t hide from the pain. If you do, it will fester and grow and consume you.

11. You will ask “Why?” more times than you thought possible, but you may never get an answer. What helps is asking, “How? How can I live life more fully to honor my loved one? How can I love better, how can I embrace others, how can I change and grow because of this?”

 12. You will try to escape grief by getting busy, busy, busy. You will think that if you don’t think about it, it’ll just go away. This isn’t really true. Take time to process and heal.

13. Liquor, sex, drugs, hobbies, work, relationships, etc., will not take the pain away. If you are using anything to try and numb the pain, it will make things worse in the long run. Seek help if you’re dealing with the sorrow in unhealthy ways.

14. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to need people. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.

15. Grief can be beautiful and deep and profound. Don’t be afraid of it. Walk alongside it. You may be surprised at what grief can teach you.


Blessings to you in the beautiful bane of love this Christmas.

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