So, He waits, and waits and waits. I walk past and He brushes His Large Hand against my busy hands in a caress. The warmth of His Hand catches me off guard. I keep moving but my heart lags behind. I turn, only briefly, to see Him gazing into the fire holding a gift.
The invitation does not slow me down. Much of my body may be stilled but my head is running around with the Christmas crazies. . .putting the holiday into action. (Because it all depends on me, right?) Poem on my mind, reblog Toll Lege. Got to answer that email, her heart is hanging by a thread of uncertainty. Two more things to order on-line, yet. Arrow prayers for Hope to finish med school testing strong, Meg and Kathleen: texts sent: Where are you, no one told me after school plans, again. Is Ashies’ elf list too long? Christmas Cards to scribble with what’s left of my handwriting. Presents to wrap, thank you Candy. Aunt Gay’s Reindeer cookies (see my Pinterest) to make, thank you Donna, a visit to encourage my neighbor, thank you God.
“Did I hear my name?” “Well, yes” I murmured, thinking it was more just a spiritual reflex to thank Him. “Did you mean it?” “Mean what?” I queried. “You’ve forgotten that quickly?” He was sounding disappointed. This whole round robin question dynamic is feeling strangely like my marriage, I thought. “That would be funny if it was not so close to the truth, young one.” He said it with a light chuckle. I could sense He was trying to redeem my side of the conversation, When He said, “I have a gift for you.”
I found myself thinking about the sermon on God’s Gifts. It enveloped the concept, do you look to The Gift or The Gift Giver? I’m not sure where my heart is with that at the moment. Hesitant to examine my posture in my sudden fatigue (all too common these days), I snuggle into His lap presence quickly. I must have fallen asleep because when I next opened my eyes, the fire had died down to a smolder. He allowed me to wake slowly, stroking my head. I thought I heard Him counting. When I finally looked into His soft, transcendent eyes, He asked, “Are you going to open it?” I did not want to disappoint Him again, as I fingered the bright red ribbon (did I hear the ribbon humming?), I sought courage. Perfect love casts out fear. I blurted out, “I’m afraid to open it.” (I’ve done it now I thought.) He simply said, “Tell Me why you are afraid to open My gift.” (He already knew why. . .)
“You are holding your breath again,” as He nudged me. I’m trying to hide from my own words, I thought. The words came with the next breath, “God. . . what if it’s not,” I stopped short. I could not continue. Gifts can be hard to give and receive. “Do you limit Me to a box?” He asked, boldly. “Of course not!” I answered with conviction (and a little, okay. . . more than a little, indignation). I put the gift to the side. I really wanted to please Him.
“The gift can wait until you are ready,” He comforted. The smile that started in His Eyes and worked it’s way to a broad crescent grin that rounded out His whole face. I thought, you resemble that jolly. . . ..He interrupted me, “Yes, It’s fun to pull a Santa look-alike every now and then!!!” “I’ll take my present now,” I giggled. We laughed so hard, we both tumbled out of the chair onto the floor. The lid to the box fell off and out spilled everything we needed to roast marshmallows and make Hershey’s chocolate s’mores. “YUM!” I exclaimed, with the joyful delight of a child!!! “You can roast a perfect marshmallow,” realizing how silly I sounded. There’s that smile again. He is melting more than marshmallows in His Hands, I mused. He knows just how to tag my heart this Christmas. My fingers became sticky with His Love and goodness. And the chocolate~marshmallow~graham cracker connection was pretty sweet in the moment too.
P.S. Readers: God can be very playful with me. I mean NO disrespect. I am not comparing or coupling God and Santa Claus. In the way I process my Faith, the sacred and the secular are meshed in ways beyond our understanding. This “conversation” suggests the familiarity that exists between intimate friends. For many of us, Holidays are blend of our Christmas traditions with His Sovereign Love. God is big enough to embrace a little fun over the holidays. (His fingers got sticky with marshmallow too.)