Tea Time: March 11, 2014: The Wall of Fear: Part II

I experience the worldly, “fleshly” side of self in it’s full blown intensity. It’s just how I’m made. I’m passionate about life, so I feel things deeply. Maybe some of you can relate. Regardless of how your feelings fall on our continuum, we’ve all got flesh/feelings to process through to discover emotional maturity and our greater spiritual selves. I refuse to minimize our heart lives and I refuse to minimize our spirit-filled identity. I might add here our  own Jesus was both fully human and fully divine. We are some imperfect mix. . .”messy glory”. . .made to reflect Him through a glass darkly:

1 Corinthians 13:12

King James Version (KJV)

12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.


That girl curled up in a ball of misery? The intensity of the darkness?  The thick wall of fear holding us on the inside of our journey. Things are not as they appear. Break through that intimidating wall of fear into more of our destiny. From a Kingdom perspective. . .

Doing Faith afraid can be stepping through and beyond the wall into. . .

Image Found: magic_kingdom_by_ivany86-d6biz63

Image Found:

Tea Time: March 11, 2014: The Wall of Fear

Should I pretend or sugar coat places in this journey? How will that help you when you hit a dark place? Doesn’t my authenticity honor the journey of our Lord? How does our mom respond to fear, my girl’s will want to know?

When Faith gives extravagant love, but no light. When Faith gives resolve, but no courage. When Faith gives provision, but no peace. It’s okay to let Faith be what it’s gonna be. God takes it from where we are to where we need to be. . .

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On Monday night it’s sleep lab time. I’ll be hooked up to every possible electrode to monitor brain/respiratory function to measure avaps machine function for where I am now. Tuesday brings the PEG (percutaneous endoscopic gastronomy) procedure. Five day hospitalization is for regulation of feeding through tube into stomach and further education with cough assist/suction machines/etc.

At this point, my Faith is the obedience to do it afraid. I almost selected a sweeter image for that quote. I heard God say, “You are hiding from honest vulnerability, if you lighten the journey.” God takes it from where we are to where we need to be. . .So I risk the heart honest vulnerability for the humble reapings.

This normalizes our humanity. It’s okay and God expects our flesh/human workings as we process through tough places. It’s an honor to be raw and real in our journey. If just one of you find a place for God in the midst of your fear. . God takes it from where we are to where we need to be. . .In the Ministry of One: Speaking faith-life to just one of you is the awesome Wonder of Kingdom Workings.

See “where” faith in fear takes us tomorrow. . .

A Taste of Home

On a rainy, chilly day soul nurture is a hot mug of tea and one of my favorite Bible Verses to pray into:

Taste of Home Logo
Please visit : www.tastofhome.com

Deluxe Spiced Tea Mix

 Deluxe Spiced Tea Mix

 A steaming mug is a wonderful way to warm up on chilly mornings. A great Valentine Gift 🙂  It’s a taste of home: Let’s share a cup filled with a warm, spicy/sweet sip of God’s goodness.
120 ServingsPrep/Total Time: 10 min.


  • 2 jars (21.1 ounces each) orange breakfast drink mix
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 envelope (5 ounces) sweetened lemonade drink mix
  • 1 jar (3 ounces) unsweetened instant tea
  • 2-1/4 cups red-hot candies
  • 2 teaspoons each ground allspice, cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg


  • In an airtight container, combine all ingredients. Store in a cool
  • dry place up to 6 months. Yield: 10 cups (about 120 servings).
  • To prepare tea: Dissolve 4 teaspoons mix in 1 cup boiling water; stir
  • welll. Yield: 1 serving.
 © Taste of Home 2014
His Word, spooned up and poured out into the lives of those we love, is a sip of God’s goodness. It’s a taste of home: Let’s share Manna from Heaven in the moment we engage the mystery of prayer.

A Prayer for the Ephesians 3    (Fill Name in Blank)

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen ______ with power through his Spirit in ______ inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in _____ hearts through faith. And I pray that _______, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that _______ may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.


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ALS Update #2: Keep Moving Forward/1/3/14

  • Dear Friends and Family:
  • I’m feeling lead to offer you an update on my ALS journey. My hope and prayer is that something here will normalize our humanity in the dark places of struggle and loss. Yes, the above link is the theme to mission impossible. It’s not mockery to pain, but keeping some sense of humor in this is critical.
  • Physically: 
  • I’m on a v-pap machine at night and some during the day photo copy 8that gives my life-span and quality of life a 30% boost. No oxygen, just air blowing in and out.
  • *I’m in private water therapy twice a week. My blue smurf toes pink right up when they dip into the warm water. I sleep better on water therapy days and pain is reduced by 50% photo copy 5 after 50 minutes of water therapy. I’ve lost strength and skill in the pool too. The whole therapy fitness center is very good to me. They go above and beyond in caring for me and investing in my wellness. Thank you, Alanna 🙂 Words cannot express. (sweet tears)
  • *I’m not eating or drinking well. It’s a struggle to get down two smoothies a day (packed with vitamins, protein and calories) and a small mug of soup. We are heading toward a feeding tube 😦 I’m trying hard to force my resolve to this procedure.
  • *My left hand is impaired and it’s moving into my right hand. Arms too weak to brush the top of my head. With help, I can straighten legs and support a little of my weight to twist with Bucky to transfer me some of the time. Bucky never liked to dance and now he finds himself doing a twist and shout dance.
  • *I can’t move myself in bed. It gets claustrophobic at times, especially at night. I think I add a new pillow every night. Bucky affectionately calls it my “pillow palace!!!” He still has an edge to cling too when the mattress topper does not slip. We are looking into a King/Adjustable bed.
  • *My family and a couple of friends can make out my poor speech in context. It continues to deteriorate.
  • *I stay active with a stander once a week and my pedlar. I pedal arms and legs to beautiful destinations, two to three times a week.
  • Emotionally:                 
  • *I’m all over the place but most of that happens inside my thought and heart life.
  • *Oh I get crabby (we don’t even have to go to the beach to feel the pinch!) and rivers of tears flow some days/nights
  • *I work really HARD to let go of the crushing losses and focus on the promises of love in front of me.
  • *Sometimes, I’m just in shut down survival mode. It’s not a choice I make. If the moment and nervous system allow, I can engage emotionally for short periods of time.
  • *I struggle with balancing the need for companionship, pressure to communicate and over-stimulation. It’s beyond odd since I’m out going by nature and fuel up by companionship. Honestly, pre-disease, I can’t remember ever being over-stimulated (not even at Chuckie-Cheese Birthday Parties!).
  • *It takes courage to move out of my “safe zone,”from my bedroom to other parts of the house. I have to confront my old self and all the things that need doing. It stretches me further to revisit my old playgrounds: the girls school and our church.
  • *I see my husband and girls growing by leaps and bounds. The cost is high, (The rate of inflation is terrible!) but on a good day I can see God using this for good in their lives. They are ever so gracious in expressing love and care for me. 🙂
  • *I’ve never known this kind of love and faithful service. Friends donate time, groceries, expensive medicines, exercise equipment. Every act both large and small invests in our family and reaches Kingdom-ward. My gratitude can’t begin to embrace any of it. I just know, this love shared has a life of it’s own, that reaches far beyond our circumstances into His arms. It’s a deep, rich blessing to receive so much of God’s heart through our family and friends. It’s nothing short of amazing.
  • *It’s messy glory for sure. We all get impatient, tired, overwhelmed and frustrated, but we are here, together for better or for worse. We are making great memories and attempting to live our lives to the fullest.
  • *We are looking at Tobii computer software that will allow me to communicate some through typing and an eye gaze system.
  • Spiritually:
  • *I find myself gravitating toward pastors/friends that know deep grief and still speak their Faith. Not to the exclusion of others, but it offers a common language.
  • *I lived for years in a romancing phase with the Lord, and I guess in the innocence of a young bride, I expected it to be that way forever. It was such a sweet, playful, beautiful place to grow and live.
  • *Worship and prayer were intermingled in ways I could not comprehend. I could spend long periods of time in conference plannings/ministry workings/Bible Studies or in front of a lake, under a tree, on a swing or walking the beach in my Lord’s full companionship. No sense of time, just embraced in His goodness. I loved to take my shoes off in His presence.
  • *I don’t know where the Lord and I are now, but He knows and that’s enough for me. It’s still a we in me. I can tell you, “we,” patterns out into gritty obedience, blind faith, my return to classical music and loving forward.
  • *Prayer carries a higher, wider, deeper significance in my heart life. It involves very simple, short phrases while I lean on the Holy Spirit to perfect it for His Throne Room. I had such a thesis in my prayer language before in my old girl self. I can’t help but wonder is God is relieved and pleased I go right to the point now. “Help, Susie Q, she sure needs your love.”
  • How are we fighting back for life?  Prayer, Pulse Steroids Treatments once a month, love, love, love and hope for research breakthroughs in treatments. I could not do a moment of “this” without my husband, Bucky’s strong arms of love and support. During intimate moments of anxiety/fear gripping me in the icy fingers of lies/deceit, he will hold me and say, “We’re okay. We’re figuring this out. We’re okay.”
  • This Scripture sums it up so beautifully, as my Community Life Verse:  I know Truth, like I would not have experienced it, in “The Land of The Living,” because of this difficult trial in our lives. . .
  • psalm27_13

Wordpress Annual Report 2013

Dear Readers:

If you are interested. . . let’s share a cup of tea and Biscoff cookies. This is our annual Blog report. I want to thank you for partnering with me in this adventure. Your support, kind words and faithful reads, keep me on track more than you know (tears). Knowing you are there keeps me with you here in our space.

This celebrates some of our “Kingdom Workings.” This celebrates life lived together. This celebrates how you told a friend, or forwarded to a sister/brother, or commented or texted me or emailed me.  This celebrates how you are the life beyond words that connects our journeys to empower “Kingdom Play.”

Thank you

Click on the link below to view our 2013 journey

The Reflecting Pool Part II

Dedicated to the physical and occupational therapists and Exercise Physiologists that work so hard every week to get me in the water and to keep me safe, Alanna, Sheree, Jane, Gretta. Thank you for your commitment to my health and well being.

For those of you who don’t know, I have ALS. I cannot move my legs and have limited use of my arms. I am incredibly vulnerable in this post. I’m inviting  you into my private world. My therapy world yes, but more significant that that. . .my God world. Where I find hope. Where fear meets life and freedom splashes,  swirls and sends out ripples of movement. Enter with care 🙂

It brings life. Warm water welcomes me into His sacred immersion. I find bi-weekly Baptism, new life in Him and as brain can connect to muscles for stimulation, circulation, and co-ordination. It’s a spiritual connection time for me in that I can put myself where and how God calls me to be, but only He can take the muscles and cellular nerve connection that creates health.

So it’s the only time my muscles are finally able to respond to the million of messages fired every day from my mind. Think about the miracle of that dynamic and the simple, yet highly profound, privileged freedom to move arms and legs. The simple grace of swirls, pedals, currents of warmth that come as I work balance with movement that bathes all my senses with an awareness of wellness. Alanna tells me movement is medicine, “it’s just finding the right dose for each patient.” 🙂

It’s quiet, but each visit is a miracle. It depends on my conviction to go, help to get ready, transportation and the a lift in and out of the pool and supervision in the pool. I count each one a miracle, and I do give that kind of gratitude to the opportunity.

So I reflect in the miracle of water and it’s gentle challenges as it encourages and the body responds to a low impact, smooth motion exercise. In addition to the spiritual bath God offers, practical application to my condition is: the water offers a natural opposition to breathing (so it giving my respiratory system a different work out than on land), the circulation exercise keeps me off blood thinners for blood clots, good cardio work out, muscle memory and keeping muscles engaged and an emotional sense of well-being. On an average day it takes 5 people to get me ready, drive me and get me in the water.

Father God, thank you for providing this beautiful warm pool and these trained professions that take on our challenge for my health each week. Than you,, Papa was making the most of my time in the warm water physically, emotionally and spiritually. May we Glorify you and make living water in every exchange. In the Name of Your Son, whose first miracle was with water (into wine), I give you a heart full of gratitude. Amen

I’ve saved the best for last, and that’s you! !here is at least one thing God placed in your life. . .  Who has God placed that gives you life? A life giving dynamic that stirs freedom, delight, goodness, insights, fun, soy. . .That brings God in up close and personal that is His Best for you. God is waiting for you to open His Gift? Can you imagine Him watching you with great expectations? “Will my son see it? Will my daughter walk past it? Will it catch her precious eye? Will he slow down long enough to open it? Will the sun set and my offering of life still go without notice? And God might say to you. . .I’m waiting. . .

“I wait because communion with my gift of goodness with you is worth my wait/weight. . .”

Tea Time: July 31, 2013


Tea Time will hold prayer requests this time. . .Our Journey with ALS
*Hope for research/treatment/cure
*Perseverance for my husband
*God’s Best for my four daughters
*Moment by moment courage
*Loving my husband and girls well today and beyond into eternity
*Houston Clinic Medical Visit Thursday/Friday
*Slow/Stop Disease Progression
*Well-Being for my family and friends
*God’s Glory and His Kingdom Growth
*God’s Time

I don't have words to offer God, only a dream of who I might be one day. . .

I don’t have words to offer God, only a dream of who I might be one day. . .

Artwork by Delores Develde